The world of global cultural politics is in an uproar today after an unprecedented tweet from Godfrey of Bouillon, leader of the First Crusade and the conqueror of Jerusalem in 1099.
“Love the new anti-racist crusade,” Godfrey wrote, in what Twitter confirmed was his first tweet in 921 years.
“Death to cultural appropriation, anti-intersectionality and elite privilege. #deadlivesmatter #coronacrusader #takeaheadandaknee”
“It’s extraordinary,” said Prof. Philip Bryant-Waugh, of the Yale History Department. “Something about the current situation must have struck a chord with Godfrey, who has gone down in history as an intolerant and sanctimonious bastard. Can’t think what it is, though.”
“Another old, male, white elitist trying to stay relevant,” tweeted Darleen-Ubuntu Vangellis of the Identity Pride Coalition. “I bet he never toppled a statue in his life. #icantbreathe”
“I don’t know who he is, but anyone who recognizes the problems of power, privilege, marginalization and historically ignored communities – as long as they’re not a cis white intellectual – is welcome to join our ranks,” said Jason Zygelbaum of Crusaders of Color.
One enigmatic tweet by someone named G.K. Chesterton said simply, “Do not be so open-minded that your brains fall out. #dragonsreallyexist”