In a somber and deeply moving ceremony late last night, United States president-elect Donald Trump was inducted into the exclusive ranks of the Dictators and Exemplary Despots League International (DEDLI).
“These are not good times for dictators and despots,” league chairman Augusto Pinochet said in his opening remarks. “Things have been so bad that we have had to admit Putin and Sissi as candidate members.”
“Thus our joy at your arrival on the scene, Padrone Trump,” Pinochet said. “Like that [censored] Obama and his Nobel Prize, we award you membership as much for what we expect you to do in the future, as for your glorious past achievements.”
Standing in for the absent Adolf Hitler, Joseph Goebbels commended Trump for his appointment of Steve Bannon as senior adviser. “History shows us that every successful dictator had a Jew-baiter in the next office,” Goebbels said.
An emotional Trump thanked the assembled dictators for the great honor bestowed on him and vowed that, by the time of the next meeting, “Hillary’s head will be hanging on the White House fence.”