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Bibi Orders Emergency Relief Supplies of Cigars for Gaza

Stung by accusations that he had ignored explosive economic and humanitarian conditions in Gaza, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu yesterday ordered Arnon Milchan to organize an immediate shipment of cigars and pink champagne to the beleaguered enclave.

“To all those who say I am indifferent to suffering, let this be the answer,” Netanyahu said in a statement.

“And to prove my commitment to the wellbeing of Gaza, I have instructed Milchin to send exactly the same Cohiba Robustos and Charles Heidsieck 2006 that Sara and I consume. There will be no discrimination while I’m in office.”

“I feel deeply for any human being who is unable to return home to a good smoke and glass of bubbly after a hard day in the office.”

The prime minister went as far as to indicate that he was prepared to break open his own supplies, stored in tunnels beneath his Jerusalem home, if Milchin was unable to arrange the emergency shipment with sufficient speed.

In a report issued earlier this week, the State Comptroller accused Netanyahu and his senior ministers of doing nothing to avert a looming humanitarian and economic explosion in Gaza in the year leading up to the 2014 war.