“Thanks for nothing,” an embittered 2015 said in his farewell address to the world this afternoon.
“I wish I could say it’s been fun, but it hasn’t,” the disillusioned outgoing year said, in a speech punctuated by snide references to the disappointments he had suffered.
”I began with the best of intentions, but I clearly didn’t have what it takes to handle the likes of Al-Bagdhadi, Trump, Putin and that little schnorrer Blatter.”
Interviewed by The Kibbitzer on the day before taking office, a youthful 2016 said that he had a good feeling about things but wasn’t going to make any promises.
“Part of the job is dealing with the unpredictable,” he explained, while ironing his shirt for the big occasion. “We’re just going to have to take it one day at a time.”
In Washington, meanwhile, President Obama revealed that his New Year resolution was to give up Israelis and Palestinians.
“It’s going to be tough in the beginning,” the president said, “but I know that it will be good for me in the long run.”