Obama should take Israel for a walk on the wild side

I’m getting a little tired of Barak Obama.  He says all the right things (well, many of them) with great earnestness and commitment, but even as he’s speaking you know that fuck-all is going to happen. It’s all hot air.

Last night’s speech on the Middle East, was typical of what we’ve come to expect of Obama: liberal, even-handed, decent and so sincere it makes you want to puke. All that, and useless besides. Totally, fucking useless. A waste of oxygen. He would have done better blowing up one of those water mattresses (in South Africa we used to call them lilos, for some reason) and going to hang out with some chicks at the White House pool.

Does he have no idea who he’s dealing with? Does Obama really think that Bashir Assad is going to send his soldiers home and go back to fixing people’s eyes just because Obama said he wasn’t a very nice man?

Does he really think that Bibi and the Bibbites are going to lose any sleep bat all because he had the temerity to mention the 67 borders? He can’t be that dumb, surely?

Israel has managed to fuck-up very well without Obama’s help for over two generations and it will continue to do so. The odd lecture about democracy from some wet-behind-the-ears president isn’t going to change anything. Jewish thugs will continue to terrorize East Jerusalem, settlements will continue to be expanded and new ones built, soldiers will continue to manhandle Palestinians at checkpoints, the army spokesman will continue to lie through his (or her) teeth and zionists will continue to declaim their sanctimonious bullshit. Nothing will change.

Externally, of course, things will change. Sanctions will be imposed, goods will be boycotted, Palestinian refugees will swarm against the border fences, their fear numbed by pure, hopeless frustration. Israel will become a pariah state, the Palestinians will become even more desperate than they are today. The situation will spiral out of control. And, through it all, Israel will continue to maintain its righteousness and Obama will paint pretty word pictures.

The president’s speech yesterday was dangerously counter-productive. He shattered the Palestinian’s one remaining hope – the September state initiative – without offering them anything in return. He took Jerusalem and the refugees – key and legitimate Palestinian concerns – off the table. Worst of all, he didn’t even pretend to be impartial.  He demanded Palestinian recognition of the Israeli state, but not Israeli recognition of the Palestinian state; he spoke of Israel’s right to security, but made no mention of security for the Palestinians; he stated that Palestine would need to be demilitarized but what about Israel, armed to the teeth and nuclear?

Assuming that Obama actually wants his Middle East initiative to succeed (why else would he be going through all this shit, when he could be spending his time more usefully by cutting the debt or massaging aromatic oils into Michelle’s sleek back,) he should write these two points on the palm of his hand:

1. Equal is equal; sovereign is sovereign. If two states are created, it will have to be on completely equal terms. Anointing some pigs as more equal than others isn’t going to work.

2. Israeli think they are cleverer than other people, certainly other people with foreskins. They’ve been pulling the wool over American eyes for decades and see no reason why they shouldn’t continue doing so. If the president thinks that words are going to have any effect on Israel, he’d better get a new dope dealer. Israelis invented words, for fuck sake. (Well, maybe it was Nebuchadnezzar or some other ancient, but they were all neighbors, weren’t they?) Israelis know how to turn, twist and mutilate words better than anyone.  Handing Israelis highfalutin words from the podium is like handing a bone to my dog. He grinds it into dust and then leaves a pile of shit on the ground.

If Obama wants to get anywhere with Israel, he’s going to have to be tougher than the Israelis, not nicer than them. He’s going to have to hit them where it hurts. Israelis, for all their bombast, are highly insecure and desperate to be loved. Obama, along with the rest of the world, is going to have to show Israel in very concrete terms that it is no longer lovable.  And that love comes at a price.

The psychological effect of sanctions on white South Africans was devastating; on Israel it will be even worse. Obama needs to give Israel a glimpse of what it’s like to walk alone and unloved on the wild side.