Israel Facing Major Pollution Disaster

TEL AVIV – With Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu due to host Republican presidential contender Donald Trump in Jerusalem on December 29, scientists are warning of potentially catastrophic fib pollution in Israel’s capital and as far afield as Tel Aviv.

“This is historic,” said Prof. Assaf Goldschmidt of Israel Technion science institute in Haifa. “As far as we know, there’s never been a conjunction between two liars of such magnitude, so we really don’t know what to expect.”

“But all indications are that the fallout could exceed the damage caused by the Asian tsunami in 2004.”

“This is going to make Beijing look sanitized,” said Prof. Ivan McKenzie of the Princeton Institute of Sustainable Sciences in a telephone interview with The Kibbitzer. “My prediction is that the sustained mendacity level (SML) will be off the charts. It’s going to be a Newtonian experience.”

The Health Ministry has advised residents of Jerusalem to wear double sets of ear muffs for the duration of the meeting and to prepare sufficient cotton wool for several days afterwards.

“We’re recommending that pregnant women, people with high blood pressure and those sensitive to distortion, deception and outright fiction remain indoors until given the all-clear,” the ministry said in a statement.


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