Supercomputer unable to understand High Court rulings

TEL AVIV  – The world’s most powerful supercomputer has failed to decipher the Israeli High Court’s rulings on the legality of house demolitions, sources at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California told The Kibbitzer yesterday.

Israel demolishes the homes of suspected terrorists as a means of deterring additional attacks. Most demolition orders are appealed to the High Court before they are carried out, creating an archive of several dozen rulings on the issue.

In an effort to establish the logic of the rulings, scientists at the laboratory fed all data dating back to 2001 into the Vulcan computer three weeks ago. Regarded as the most powerful supercomputer on the planet, the Vulcan normally handles classified U.S. government work, but is partly available to business and academia.

“It churned away at the data for three whole weeks,” said David Whitmore, a senior Lawrence Livermore computer analyst, “until eventually it just gave up. It’s never done that before. Clearly this is up there with the Big Bang and other unsolvable cosmic mysteries.”

Israeli legal scholar Prof. Eran Volker of the Hebrew University said that he wasn’t surprised by the Vulcan’s failure. “There are some things that not even a supercomputer can untangle,” he said.

“The rationale behind the court’s baffling and inconsistent rulings on home demolitions is going to remain one of the unsolved enigmas of the natural world.”