Israel’s Christians Also Want To Be Tortured

JERUSALEM – Christians in Israel are outraged at being excluded from the torture fad currently sweeping the country.

“Everyone agrees that Muslims can be tortured and now there seems to be a growing consensus that Jews can also be tortured,” said Nicodemus III, the Greek Orthodox Patriarch of Jerusalem.

“But what about us? What about the Christians? Why are we the only ones who don’t get to be tortured?”

The patriarch stressed that, with Christianity on the retreat throughout the Middle East, it was particularly galling that Israel, of all places, would exclude its Christian citizens from full participation in the life of the nation.

“As Christmas nears, I appeal to our Israeli brothers to do the right thing and end discrimination against Christians when it comes to torture,” he said.

A Shin Bet spokesman said in response that the service was an equal opportunities torturer and would continue to ensure that every community had access to torture.


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