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Bullshit pollution scare at Tel Aviv conference

TEL AVIV – Audience members were evacuated from an academic conference in Tel Aviv last night following consecutive speeches by Education Minister Naftali Bennett, Defense Minister Moshe Ya’alon and opposition leader Isaac Herzog.

“Bullshit levels reached dangerously high levels,” said the city’s biohazard chief Amos Melinksy. “It was an emergency situation. We had to get them out while they were still alive.”

One of the survivors told The Kibbitzer that the trouble began during Bennett’s speech, when many members of the audience began having trouble breathing. Several also reported epiphora (watery eyes) and a rash over their entire bodies.

“By the time it got to Herzog’s speech, there were people motionless in the aisles and others screaming for help,” said survivor Ronit Liebesman, who was wrapped in a silver thermal blanket and breathing oxygen from a canister.

“The city is used to relatively high bullshit levels,” said Tel Aviv Mayor Ron Huldai at a press conference after emergency services had given the all-clear “but we never expected it to actually endanger human life.”

In a statement issued by his bureau, Ya’alon said that he was proud to have participated in the setting of a world bullshit record, but was disappointed that the crisis point had not come during his watch.

“I’m going to have to watch the video carefully and figure out where I went wrong,” the defense minister said.

 

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