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Hannibal threatens war over army’s use of his name

The Kibbitzer has learned that Chief of Staff Maj. Gen Gadi Eisenkot yesterday received an email from former Carthaginian general Hannibal warning that he regarded the Israeli army’s use of his name to “describe a military operation of dubious legality and even less efficacy” as a “casus belli.”

“I read with dismay this morning, that legions under your command once again invoked the so-called Hannibal Directive to rescue clumsy centurions who had wandered into the enemy camp,” wrote Hannibal, who won several major victories against Rome before committing suicide on capture.

“My anger at the unauthorized use of my name turned to outrage when I understood that the military operation that bears my name is one of overpowering strength, uncontrolled power and sheer recklessness, even to the extent of deliberately endangering your own cohorts,” wrote the former general, who is considered to have been one of the greatest military strategists of all time.

“I bring to your attention the fact that I was renowned for the subtlety of my tactics, which were designed to accentuate my strengths and capitalize on the weaknesses of the foe,” Hannibal continued. “Your blundering approach is the very antithesis of mine.”

“Besides which, my elephants were highly trained and efficient, while your mechanical devices can’t even find their way home without blundering into an enemy encampment.”

Hannibal concluded by threatening to “promptly take action under the jus ad bellum,” if the Israeli army didn’t desist from using his name.

The IDF said that Eisenkot had replied to Hannibal explaining that the name was chosen by a computer and meant no disrespect to a fellow praefectus praetorio.