A distraught President Barack Obama was heard muttering “they promised I’d never have to see him again” as he was escorted to Air Force One on Thursday, en route to the funeral of former Israeli President Shimon Peres in Jerusalem.
White House spokesman Josh Earnest confirmed to The Kibbitzer that the president was upset at having to meet again with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu after what had been billed as their final meeting last week.
“He threw a small party last week after Netanyahu left,” Earnest said. “We all drank a toast and the boss said, ‘Thank the Lord I never have to see that asshole again. It’s almost worth leaving the White House just to never see him again.’”
Now, Earnest continued, Obama is going to have to meet again with Netanyahu at Peres’ funeral – and he’s not at all happy about it.
“He comes out in hives whenever anyone even mentions Bibi,” Earnest said. “He’s been on psychotropic drugs since the minute that Peres died, but it’s not at all clear that he’ll be able to stand unaided and make a speech at the funeral with Bibi sitting there in the front row.”
“This is uncharted territory for all of us. No-one knows how this might pan out.”
In Jerusalem, the Prime Minister’s Bureau issued a statement saying that Netanyahu was looking forward to subjecting Obama to another three-hour lecture about the Holocaust roots of Israel’s high-tech wizardry.