God Rejects Peres Demand for Rotation

Even before his burial, Shimon Peres has triggered a political ruckus in heaven over his demand that God agree to a rotation arrangement, The Kibbitzer has learned.

“He does two years, then I do two years, then he returns for another two years and so on for eternity,” the newly-arrived Peres told The Kibbitzer’s heaven correspondent Lucy Fir.

“That’s how it’s always worked. I lose an election and the winner rotates with me.”

“God may not know who he’s dealing with here,” Peres continued. “I suggest he ask Rabin – who, by the way, is still a trainee angel, even though he’s been here for over 20 years. Loser.”

Peres also told The Kibbitzer that he was looking forward to bringing peace to heaven and all its neighbors; creating a new Milky Way in which angels, cherubs, sprites and seraphs would build together instead of fighting wars.

“Another thing I intend implementing is miracle ambiguity,” the former president added. “What’s wrong with our neighbors thinking we can make miracles but not really knowing?”

In a statement issued by his spokesman, God said he welcomed Peres – as he welcomed everyone – but that he needed to understand that heaven wasn’t the Mapai central committee.

“Until such a time as Bibi gets here, there’s only one God in heaven,” the statement said.