Trump Offers to Teach Shavit How It’s Done

Republican presidential contender Donald Trump has offered to instruct disgraced Israeli journalist Ari Shavit on how to make it with hot women, The Kibbitzer has learned.

Shavit resigned from the Israeli daily Haaretz yesterday, after two American women accused him of sexual harassment while he was on book tours in the United States. The harassment allegedly included such capital offences as “hand groping” and inviting a woman up to his room.

“Only a mug thinks that holding hands and pecks on the cheek is going to get him into bed with a hot gal,” Trump wrote in his email to Shavit.

“You need to read my book ‘The Art of Pussy Grabbing’ to understand how its’s done,” Trump continued. “The hardcore version normally retails at $29.99, but I’m prepared to let you have it at $20, as a gesture of solidarity with a fellow striver for the G-spot.”

“If you follow my instructions step-by-step you’ll find that you can do anything with them.”

Responding to the Shavit furor, former president Moshe Katzav said in a statement from Matisyahu Prison that both Trump and Shavit would do well to read his forthcoming memoir “Presidential Penetrations” to learn the real tricks of the trade.