Global Chaos as 2017 Chickens Out

The world was thrown into existential chaos last night, after 2017 tweeted that he had decided not to take office in three days’ time, as planned.

“Been thinking about what a fuckup @2016 made of things,” 2017 tweeted. “Don’t think I want to pick up his mess #screw2016.”

In a subsequent tweet 2017 wrote that if the world thought he would play Obama to 2016’s Bush, it had another thought coming.

The United Nations Security Council went into emergency session immediately after the tweet went public. “We’ve never had a year refuse to take over from the previous one before,” America’s UN ambassador Samantha Power told The Kibbitzer. “This is an entirely new ballgame.

Contacted by journalists, 2018 said that he had no intention of filling in for 2017. “I still want to enjoy life while I can,” he said.

Responding to 2017, Donald Trump tweeted that he understood how 2017 felt and suggested that he begin the year on January 20.

“That way you won’t have to suffer 20 days of you-know-who and we can get off to a good start together,” the president-elect said. He also invited 2017 to visit him at Trump Tower to discuss things.

2017 has yet to respond to Trump’s proposal.

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