President-elect Donald Trump will kiss himself at midnight tonight precisely, a senior source in the presidential transition team told The Kibbitzer.
“You’re meant to kiss the person you love most to welcome in the New Year,” the source said, asking to remain anonymous.
“Well in Donald’s case that’s Donald,” the source added. “Of course, he’ll also kiss Melania afterwards, but he’ll make sure to do it in front of a mirror so he’ll be looking at himself.”
“And he’ll tweet a kiss emoji to Putin for hacking him into the White House.”
A source close to John Kerry said he was considering stopping to speak about settlements long enough to kiss whoever is closest to him at the time.
In Jerusalem, meanwhile, a source in the prime minister’s bureau said that Benjamin Netanyahu would be spending a quiet evening at home, building a settlement with his Lego Christmas present.
“He’s not really a kisser,” the source said, “though he wouldn’t mind having the nation kiss his ass.”